Just got home @ around 2am.. not yet sleepy, teary eyed.. and happy.. <3 :’)

So here’s this guy with whom i spent 138hrs with.. urrgh i hate it when someone makes me cry because of ultimate joy.. -_- The tears falling from my close to cat-eye shaped eyes were twice the ones fallin’ from it ‘coz of ultimate sadness.. he’s so good to be true.. really.. 138hrs might be a short span of time but it felt like i knew him for so many years already.. I saw the real him, crystal clear.. no pretense, none at all.. i don’t know why i was so overwhelmed.. maybe because i’ve never been with a guy who’s as real as that guy could ever be.. it’s been years since i last felt appreciated and adored by someone without bein’ asked anythin’ in return.. uhmn.. just wanna thank God ‘coz now He has given me the “because of my every why’s”..  he was fascinating, behind that appearance there was sweetness, sense of responsibility, thoughtfulness, assurance, and authenticity.. nothing more to ask for.. :) hmnkay, so i’m a bit emotional right now.. pardon me guyz, it’s just that i can’t get over ‘coz of the way he treated me.. hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa, sa madaling sabi “Mabuti pa yung mukhang madungis eh malinis ang ugali.. Mabuti pa yung pinapakita ang bisyo eh sinasabing magbabago kung gusto mo.. Mabuti pa yung akala mong walang alam eh madami nang naranasan at napatunayan sa buhay..” I DIDN’T EXPECT ANY OF THESE BUT IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO KNOW AND WITNESS IT” :) NAIIBA SIYA, PROMISE :)

You know people, nothins’ alright for the past 6months.. I didn’t know if what am I doing were of any good.. Like a dust pulverized even more until it vanished in front of our naked eyes, I was too afraid.. afraid that feelings will be abandoned, scared that my presence will be forgotten.. forgotten by that one person i thought to be my forever.. I didn’t anticipate for any of these outcome.. :c I am not conscious that this would be the effect of those drunken nights.. Never did i expect that I will destroy him.. destroy myself.. and everything.. Playing tough was the most self-guarding action to do but I am fooling myself.. I am not sure of anything at this moment, I was destructed by the storm.. A storm that will never stop I guess.. This is my downfall.. For these reasons, I reconciled with that lad thinking that “all is well” but then again it wasn’t.. I was rejected 40 times.. Hearing “AYOKO” over and over made me deaf.. deaf of the advices my colleagues told me a million times & blinded by what was real.. What he meant was real.. I was fooled by that hope, that little hope which turned out to be deceitful.. He didn’t want any piece of me.. All he sees in me now were the shit i gave him before.. Life can be a bitch, it’s true.. Love can be hatred, it’s true but not for you.. I wasn’t this weak, everythin’s TOO LATE.. :’( Sorry for all the damages “you know who you are”..